What Title Can I Bestow on My Special Friend?

Dear Rev. Laurie Sue,

I have a question of etiquette. I am planning my second wedding at age 48 to a wonderful man my age. We opted for a small intimate wedding of 40 people or less of close family and friends. Later we will have a garden party for everyone. We will have an outdoor wedding, with a dinner reception inside with dancing.

-Blessings, v

Hi V,

Sounds like a great idea to give her a special title. Here are a few:

Goddess-in-Chief

Goddess-in-Charge

Wedding Gatekeeper

Bridal Gatekeeper

Chief Attendant

Blessings, Rev. Laurie Sue

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, editor of www.Wedlok.com, is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of Your Interfaith Wedding: A Guide to Blending Faiths, Cultures, and Personal Values into One Beautiful Wedding Ceremony and WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss. To help reduce wedding stress, get your personally autographed copy at www.WeddingGoddess.com.

Posted January 20, 2011 9:29 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

How can I love a man who has lost his faith?

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I have fallen in love with a young man, and our individual faiths in God have very recently become a problem in our relationship. I am a Christian (Baptist) who is trying to develop a stronger relationship with the Lord. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is experiencing a loss of faith. He was raised in a Christian Pentecostal household, and says he has attended church, prayed, sought guidance from pastors and other Christians, but turned up empty handed. He feels as though God didn't answer any of his prayers, and might not exist. I have always been told that you should never date someone who is weak in faith and has trouble believing because you could become weak in faith yourself. But I really love him and he loves me. I don't know what to do. Should I end our relationship now before I get any more attached, or should I stick with him to see if he can strengthen his faith, if not turn away from it completely? I am not a perfect Christian and I know that none exist. Am I being too hasty, or am I justified in my concerns about continuing our relationship?--Lisa M.

Continue reading "Can I Marry a Man Who Has Lost His Faith?" »

Posted October 3, 2010 7:44 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

How Can I Include My Mom in the Ceremony?

Dear Wedding Goddess:

My father is not comfortable "giving me away" with my mother. They are divorced. Rather than have her escort me down the aisle, how can I honor my mother in a special way?

-- Disappointed

Dear Disappointed:

There is a non-denominational tradition of offering flowers to the moms, or to significant family members that might be fitting. It is called "Family Unity Rose Ceremony."

Usually, the bride and groom give a red and white rose – colors that represent unity -- each to their moms. It is particularly nice if the bride and groom each give one flower to each mom, followed with a hug. This would also be a good time to publicly acknowledge your moms and thank them.

Here is an example of one cermony I officiated:

"As this bride and groom come before us to be married, they wish to acknowledge and thank their families for their love and support. As a gesture of unity between the families that are united on this day … and as an acknowledgement of the special people who have loved and nurtured this bride and groom … they will present a very special gift of flowers to their mothers."

Then the couple present roses to their mom's.

"With these flowers, they welcome one another's families into the new family that is created by their marriage today. These flowers symbolize the love this bride and groom feel for each other extended to their loved ones ... and they are also symbolic of the merging of two families in love and unity."

You can also think of having your mom take part in a unity candle ceremony, a sand ceremony, or even asking her to do a reading or a blessing.

Many blessings,
Rev. Laurie Sue

Posted July 11, 2010 2:51 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Do I have to Have a Maid of Honor?

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I know you don't know me but I hope you can help me find some peace of this situation. I've been married twice before. I have never asked a particular friend of mine to be in my weddings. She has come and it's good. I recently asked her to be in my upcoming wedding, and she said no. She said she is always a bridesmaid and will not be in anyone else's wedding but her own. I have a sister but we are not close. I had her also in my younger wedding when I was 21 years of age. I'm now 55 and really don't mind not having anyone stand there. Does someone standing there make it official or can I do without? And, if my fiance wants to have his brother, I then must be obligated to find a women also? or do I? - Pauline

Dear Pauline -

You are not obligated legally to have a maid of honor. If your beloved wants his brother to stand for him, great. He can hold the rings! It is fine if there is just one person standing at the altar with you.

Just want to clarify that you are legally obligated, in NY and most states, to have at least one adult witness your wedding and sign your license as a witness, under the supervision of your officiant. This can be your groom's brother if you like. In NY, there is room for another person to also witness. If you want to, you can ask your friend or sister to sign. As long as they acutally attend the wedding.

As far as the processional and wedding party go, no need to stand on any ceremonial aspects that no longer fit for you. Have a great wedding!

Blessings, Rev. Laurie Sue
© 2010, Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of YOUR PERFECT WEDDING VOWS: How to Write, Find and Select the Words that Express What is in Your Heart and WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss. To help reduce wedding stress, get your personally autographed copy at www.WeddingGoddess.com.

Posted January 1, 2010 11:29 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway answer's your questions and helps relieve wedding stress.

Ask the Wedding Goddess: Interfaith Love and Marriage

Dear Wedding Goddess,

Many clergy people refuse to conduct an interfaith marriage ceremony, or at the very least are uncomfortable with the idea. What is your personal philosophy on love and marriage?
- Interfaith Bride

Dear Interfaith Bride -

My philosophy is that love between two people is their business and their choice. Love between a couple adds a dimension of holiness to our world that cannot be categorized by religion or culture.

I believe a temple can be created wherever there is love. I believe in soul mates, and feel that the couples who are meant to be together have the ability to see one another through the eyes of the soul. That allows many feelings about "differences" to melt away.

Are there challenges? Yes, for some couples. But I have also witnessed many couples rise above them and successfully blend their beliefs into married life.

Many Blessings, Rev. Laurie Sue

Continue reading "Your Thoughts on Interfaith Love and Marriage" »

Posted February 16, 2009 9:31 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Christmas is one of the most popular days to pop the question. If you got an engagement ring yesterday, congratulations! Now, the fun of planning your wedding begins.

I am firm believer that a bride has to include stress management, self-nurturing and time to chill out as an integral part of her wedding planning process. It is a journey that is bound to have some bumps in the road, but no need to take the “Stress Express” to the altar, as so many brides do these days.

Taking care of you, and your relationship, is the best way to reduce stress and keep yourself together. Here are some tips to get you through the tough spots:

Establish boundaries from the start: Some brides get sucked into the vortex of wedding planning stress, and overwhelmed by the pressure and expectations of those around her. You will not be able to please everyone or manage everyone’s emotions. Focus on managing your own … and being true to yourself. It’s your wedding, not your mom’s, sister’s, or your maid of honor’s.

Stay close to your groom: You will cut your stress in half if you two remain a united team. You won’t see eye to eye on all things … but you must stand together and back each other up when it comes to making decisions. When well-meaning-but-meddling relatives try to sway you, stay strong and hold on tight to one another!

Continue reading "Stress-Busters for Newly Engaged Brides" »

Posted December 26, 2008 10:39 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Am I Ready to Get Married?

Dear Wedding Goddess,

I've been engaged to a wonderful man for about 5 months now, and we've been seeing each other for over a year. We are both divorced with kids of our own. His family doesn't really approve, but wont say much to him about us. The reason I think they don't approve is because of our age difference. He's 15 years older than me, but I would have never guessed it. We've been head over heals for each other ever since we first met. But now that things are starting to get serious, I'm wondering if I'm making the right decision for me and my kids. We met right after our divorces, which is pretty fast to jump into something. I keep thinking that I never really had the chance to mourn over what my kids and I lost, our family. My ex and I still talk, but most of the time we just fight and get upset at eachother for something the other is or isn't doing. I really do love the man I'm with now. I just don't know if I ever stopped loving my ex. Or if I ever will. The man I'm engaged to wants to elope. We're supposed to go to Vegas in 2 weeks! He's booking everything as we speak, and I'm getting a little scared. Is this normal for someone to feel this way? Or should I back off before I make a HUGE commitment that I might regret?
- Confused

Dear Confused:

Wedding jitters are completely normal, even for couples who have been together for many years. Fears are as much as part of the wedding journey as love.

But it sounds like you are dealing with a complex issue that has many layers to it.

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess: Are Wedding Jitters Normal?" »

Posted December 4, 2008 7:28 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Author, Your Perfect Wedding Vows

Personal wedding vows are a wonderful way to express your love on your wedding day.

Contained within those vows are the seeds of dreams to come true, and intentions for your married life. For many people, vows are the hallmark of the wedding ceremony. Imprinted in many of a mind is the romantic image of a loving couple looking deeply into one another’s eyes and calmly vowing their love and devotion on their wedding day.

Why then do many brides and grooms find themselves in the not-so-romantic mode of tearing their hair out at the 11th hour trying to transport feelings from their hearts and minds onto a blank piece of paper?

Because even though love may come naturally, vow writing or public speaking may not. Writer’s block and performance anxiety about wedding vows are not uncommon. It can be little scary when you think of pouring your heart out on paper, and then speaking it to you beloved in front of everyone you know.

It’s important to realize that personalized vows are meant to provide a sacred moment in which you can express your truest feeling for each other. When you are speaking to one another at the altar, you really do go into an “altered state” and the rest of the world fades away.

The vows you speak don’t have to be personally written – rather, you can “borrow” them from other sources. They are not meant to be a theater piece to impress or entertain others. And they should not stress you out! However, if the thought petrifies you, give some thought to how much you each want to speak during the wedding, or if you feel you will be too nervous to utter more than “I do!.

If you are up for exchanging vows, would you prefer traditional, classic vows, or more modern and personal vows? If you will be married in a traditional religious ceremony, you may be asked to speak classic traditional religious vows. In a non-denominational or interfaith ceremony, you can be more creative. Always speak with your officiant in advance about where vows fit into your ceremony. Whenever possible, select an officiant who will support you in expressing vows the way you feel most comfortable.

Ways to say I love you. There are many ways to weave vows into your ceremony. For example, your vows can be repeat-after-the-officiant style or they can be read to one another. You can utter them as part of your I dos, or speak them when you exchange rings. You can each decide on different vow, or share the same vows. You can even speak the same vow to one another simultaneously; or you can read from one long vow or statement, with bride and groom alternating lines. If you don’t want to say much, you can include the promises you would like to make in a longer question of intent, to which you only have to answer “I do.” Never try to memorize your vows. On your wedding day, the mind goes into Wedding La-La Land … it is too much to ask of yourself.

Creative and sacred ways to express your commitment. You can find your vows in poetry, popular songs or even greeting cards. You can also source ideas from the faiths or cultures you were born into. For example, from the Jewish tradition you might want to use the soulful line from Song of Solomon, “I am my beloveds, and my beloved it mine” or talk about the concept of soul mates from the Zohar or the Bible. Some couples adapt vows from the 7 Steps (known as Saptapadi) in the Hindu faith, such as “We will share each other’s joys and sorrows with courage and strength.” You can find lovely material from any spiritual tradition and adapt it into your vows.

Write your own vows. If you do want to write your own vows, take a moment to reconnect to the energy and magic that made you want to marry this person, and let the feelings flow. Jot down some notes:

1. What do you love about this man/woman?
2. What feeling pour over you when you think of his/her love for you?
3. What are your hopes and dreams for your married life?
4. What promises would you like to make?

Next, write a first draft. Begin by sharing why you love him/her (including cute and funny reasons) and letting him/her know how he/she makes you feel. Next, share things you look forward to experiencing together. Sprinkle in promises you would like to make. Summarize by sharing how grateful you are for his/her love and the opportunity to share your lives. Then go through the first draft; edit or add in new thoughts. Don’t be afraid to use humor – if that’s your style. (“I promise never to change the channel when the Yankee’s are on,” for example).

Speak from the heart: No matter what kind of vows you choose let your sentiments come from the heart. They do not have to be long. Approach them with a K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Sweetheart) and make them real. Those are the BEST wedding vows.

You'll find sample wedding vows in Your Perfect Wedding Vows E-book by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway.

Continue reading "How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows" »

Posted May 20, 2008 5:40 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Include Mom in Your Wedding, Give Her A Rose

Dear Wedding Goddess - My father is not comfortable "giving me away"with my mother. They are divorced. Rather than have her escort me down the aisle, how can I honor my mother in a special way? -- Disappointed

There is a non-denominational tradition of offering flowers to the moms, or to significant family members that might be fitting. It is called "Family Unity Rose Ceremony."

Usually, the bride and groom give a red and white rose – colors that represent unity -- each to their moms. It is particularly nice if bride and groom each give one flower to each mom, followed with a hug. This would also be a good time to publicly acknowledge your moms and thank them. Here is an example of one cermony I officiated.

As this bride and groom come before us to be married, they wish to acknowledge and thank their families for their love and support. As a gesture of unity between the families that are united on this day … and as an acknowledgement of the special people who have loved and nurtured this bride and groom … they will present a very special gift of flowers to their mothers.

Couple present roses to their mom's.

With these flowers, they welcome one another's families into the new family that is created by their marriage today. These flowers symbolize the love this bride and groom feel for each other extended to their loved ones ... and they are also symbolic of the merging of two families in love and unity.

Find out more in Wedding Goddess. Order your autographed copy.

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess: How Can I Honor Mom in My Wedding Ceremony?" »

Posted May 12, 2008 5:38 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Listen to Meditation for Stressed Out Brides

You have been blessed with the gift of love, and you are getting married. Congratulations!

There is nothing holier than two people uniting in the spirit of committed love. It increases the love that exists in the world. And it brings healing to our world.

So how is it that something so magnificent and meaningful can involve the planning of an event that can drive even the sanest and sweetest brides to be to the brink of despair?

It is not unusual to feel exhausted by the sheer amount of labor and emotional negotiating that goes on around planning a wedding. It’s supposed to be the happiest time of your life -- and you want it to be -- yet many brides and grooms feel confused and let down that they are not feeling happy all the time.

Sigh. Today’s wedding culture places the focus on the “event” rather than the “marriage “and many unsuspecting brides and grooms find themselves sucked into the vortex of wedding stress. You might find yourself buried in wedding tasks, overwhelmed rather than overjoyed!

The planning … the people-pleasing … the coordinating … the financing … the family dynamics … and then there are those very natural, yet ornery, fears and concerns about getting hitched. These can all become quite a challenge.

That’s why it is essential that you also make sure you take time out to de-stress, decompress and reconnect to the sacred nature of the journey you are on.

Finding true love and getting married is really is quite a blessing -- if only you have a chance to enjoy it!

When wedding planning sends you inter overdrive, take some time out. It is important to nourish yourself and restore yourself to a state of mindfulness and presence in your relationship and your life. Sometimes you just need a wake up call for your bridal soul … a reminder that what this whole “wedding thing” is truly about is sacred union with your beloved.

Although weddings can be stressful, they can also be very healing. It’s a chance to dress up and party with friends and families … and you should enjoy that! It is also a time of gathering people together in the spirit of love.

Most importantly, your wedding is the sacred threshold to the life you will share as a married couple.

When wedding craziness gets the best of you, leave it behind and do something else. See a movie, take a warm bath, cuddle up with your honey, looking into his eyes, or join me in this meditation to help you release the stressors and remember the sacred:

Click for my free wedding "Meditation for Stressed Out Brides" at Beliefnet.com

Continue reading "Stressed-Out Brides: Relax With Wedding Goddess Meditation" »

Posted May 9, 2008 5:27 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway answers your questions and helps relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions, wedding challenges and column ideas to The Wedding Goddess.

By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Although weddings can be stressful, they can also be very healing. Sure, your wedding is a chance to dress up and party with friends and families … and you should enjoy that! It is also a time of gathering people together in the spirit of love.

Most importantly, your wedding is the sacred threshold to the life you will share as a married couple.

Here are some tips for holding it together, relieving wedding stress and staying close:

1. Recognize that it is easy to get sucked into the vortex of wedding planning stress, and overwhelmed by pressure and expectations of those around you.

You’ve got to include stress management, self-nurturing, and time to chill out as an integral part of the wedding planning process. Do things that help you stay centered.

2. Realize that everyone has something to say about your wedding. You’ll be showered with congratulations and gifts, and bombarded with unsolicited advice.

Make an agreement to make decisions together, and back each other up. Support each other!

3. It is a rare family that does not have a “Debbie Downer” who throws a little wrench into your wedding plans.

You have to set clear boundaries, and also learn to deflect the sometimes-negative vibes from well-meaning friends and relatives. You can’t please all the people all of the time… so please yourselves.

4. Getting married can stir up a lot of emotions. The process itself sets forth period of growth and change that can be nerve -wracking. Unresolved emotions may come to the surface to be explored.

Be prepared to do some inner work along with all the external preparations. Honor and address the fears that arise. Trust they are natural.

5. Our culture places a tremendous emphasis on having a great wedding and not enough on having an awesome marriage. It's okay to be temporarily obsessed and yearn for the perfect wedding -- but you have to keep your eye on what's truly important.

Don’t give the wedding day so much power! Step back and realize, the most important part of the day is not the day itself ... but that you leave the altar in the arms of the One you love … the One you look forward to building your life with.

Continue reading "Reduce Wedding Stress, Create Bridal Bliss" »

Posted May 2, 2008 10:01 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

How do we get our marriage license and how soon can we marry?

Dear Wedding Goddess:

We are a couple from England who are looking to get married in New York next year and though we have visited the Municipal Building website we haven't been able to find the information we require or an email address to contact them, and hope you can help. We will be arriving on the 29/11/09 in New York and will be heading straight to the NYC Marriage Bureau first thing on the Monday 30th November 2009. Can you please help us with the following: Whether we need a special license to get married in New York as we are from England?; Whether we can book our wedding ceremony for the next day once we've obtain our marriage license or do they have waiting lists? Hope you can help and any assistance or advice would be much appreciated. - John and Tracy

Dear John and Tracy -

Congratulations on your decision to wed in New York City. It is actual quite a simple procedure. First thing you want to do is check to make sure they are open on the day your arrive or day after. Hours for the New York City Clerk's Office marriage bureau are typically 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM but they close certain holidays. There is usually no waiting list to marry in the municipal building but you must have your marriage license in hand for 24 hours to do so. For example. If you receive your license at 1:30 PM Monday your could not legally wed until the same time the next day, or later. You do not require a special license on this end, just the appropriate identification, such as a Passport and drivers license. But you will have to register your wedding at home so you should find out how to go about that.

Here is the information I share with the couples I marry in New York City:

The details for getting the license are at this site.

http://nycmarriagebureau.com/

1. You will have to go together to get the license.

2. Make sure you bring proper ID (listed at the url's above and in the info below) and a US money order for $35. They do not take cash, cc, or checks.

3. I suggest you get there on line 45 minutes early to ensure faster processing.

4. You must present a valid, NYState license to me the day of the ceremony. Y

5. You can get it anywhere in New York.

You must bring the license with you the next day in order for the justice of the peace to marry you.

Blessings, Rev. Laurie Sue

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess" »

Posted April 15, 2008 1:03 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

We are about to meet with our wedding officiant and we have not done much research about how to proceed with the wedding ceremony. We are kind of unsure. Before we meet with this person, shouldn't we get clear in our own minds? Not sure what the process entails. - Lenni

Hi Lenni -

I imagine your officiant will lead you through a series of questions but it is good to give it some thought before hand.

These are some of the questions I ask couples when consult with them about creating a personalized wedding.

Where does religion fit in – or does it? Would you like to include an aspect of the faiths you were born into without the dogma? Do you want to include mention of God – or would you prefer blessing upon your union without mention of Divine presence?

What kind of ceremony would be most suited to the two of you? Would you like something personal yet that includes aspects of your traditions? Or would something romantic and offbeat be more your style? On the spectrum between a formal and traditional ceremony and the wackiest exchange of vows you can think of, where are you? Somewhere in the middle, or somewhere on the edge, wanting to be different?

What are your special needs? Think about the requirements you each may have. Is one of you more religious than the other? Is one of you atheist or agnostic? Are you an interfaith pair? Do you hail from different cultures? How much do you want to honor your heritage and the traditions of your parents and family, etc? Is there anything you abhor about those traditions and would never want in your own ceremony?

What do you two truly want? Most importantly, be completely honest with one another (and then, your officiant). Make sure you are creating this ceremony for the two of you – not just to please others.

Find out more in Wedding Goddess. Order your autographed copy.

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted January 29, 2008 6:05 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I am worried about marriage and making it last. I am afraid to admit this to anyone. What advice can you share about keeping our love alive after our wedding? - Janey

Dear Janey -

It is wonderful that this is on your mind!

It's essential you think about nurturing your love and growing your relationship while planning your wedding.

Your marriage will hopefully be a long and fruitful journey. To keep it fresh and keep it vibrant, look for ways to continually renew your commitment and to acknowledge the sacred promises you made. Over time, your marriage will need a tune up here and there, where you must make sure you are both still aligned with your vows; in addition, your vows themselves may need some enhancement. As time goes on, you will both change and grow and your married life will evolve.

1. Sweetly Keeping Your Promises Alive. You will be pretty high on love and life after you wedding – that’s why they call it the honeymoon period! --yet remembering the promises made at the altar can help you both maintain the energy of your very special day, every day. Take your vows with you on your honeymoon and every night, before you go to bed, take some time to look deeply into each others eyes and repeat them to one another.

2. Surround yourself with reminders of your sacred day. Get some beautiful paper, print your vows out and frame them. Keep them in your boudoir, next to your favorite wedding photo, and any other mementos from your wedding that fill your senses with happy memories.

3. Expand your vows. The vows you speak at your wedding may be on the short side, or tend to be romantic. There may have been some things you felt were too personal, or too practical to add in. And once you have a little experience with marriage under your belt, you may find there are additional sentiments you would like to add to your vows. These are very personal statements the two of you can come up with together. You can add them to your existing vows and repeat them to each other, and frame them, or just keep them in a sacred place – such a holy book or even in a frame behind your wedding photo, symbolically making them the foundation beneath your marriage. Over time, you can add in anything that you desire as you learn more about what you both hold dear in married life.

4. Regularly recommit to your marriage. Remember, you can celebrate and recommit to your marriage at any time. Your legal marriage is a one time deal, yet there is no law that says you cannot renew your commitment at any stage. Consider a recommitment ceremony every few years. Every time you experience a ritual that declares your love, it’s like giving your love, your life and your marriage a new infusion of energy or, even, a fresh start.

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted January 16, 2008 9:22 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

Do you believe astrology be used as a tool for assessing the best times and dates for a wedding and wedding related activities? I just got engaged and I am sort of interested in this and wonder what you think of it. I understand it is a practice in other cultures. -- Stars in My Eyes

Dear Stars In My Eyes:

Selecting an auspicious wedding date and time is always a great idea. Just be aware that the reality is it can be challenging to arrange schedules to take full advantage of favorable times. For example, you may want a Saturday night wedding but the best time is 6 am in the morning.

Hindu, Buddhist and Chinese cultures in particular consults with astrologers or seek most auspicious days for weddings.

In some cases these decisions are based on a session with an astrologer who takes the groom's birth information and the bride's, and figures out the best date for them personally. In some cases a date is selected from a calendar or book of auspicious days or because of an auspcious number. Or it may be done in a more auspicious time of year. I have seen it done in many ways.

I have married a number of couples who ask me to perform their spiritual ceremony at night, after having gone to the justice of the peace in the morning or on another day, because it was deemed more auspicious then the day they selected for their public wedding. I have also had couples who've asked me to perform spiritual and legal ceremonies months before their wedding date, to take advance of a favorable time of year -- or at the urging of their parents.

Shelley Ackerman, who in my estimation is New York’s best astrologer (she’s also a columnist and President of the New York affiliate of the American Federation of Astrologers), says YES. Every couple should look into finding out the best astrological time for their wedding, she says, pointing out that the trend has caught on in the west.

“It is important for modern couples to consult an astrologer to find a perfect date, time and place – which is different from having a great party,” Shelley tells us. “The mistake couples makes when planning a wedding is they are trying to please everyone but themselves.”

In any culture or time zone … your marriage has an astrological birth time based on the time of your ceremony, which is why it is important to pick a time and date that will bring your union plenty of luck and support from the stars.

Shelley also supports the idea of getting to know each other even-better-than-before by having a consultation with a professional astrologer.

"An astrologer can cast a chart comparison between the bride and groom (known as “synastry”), a composite chart, or a relationship chart, as well as select an all important wedding chart," Shelley says. "This would help you to understand why you are together in the first place and clarify what the real strengths are in the relationship; it will also provide language and tools to better grasp the challenges and obstacles that need to be overcome.”

“The reason this is invaluable is that once you have language to understand the specifics of what each person has brought to the relationship (background, ancestry, intimacy requirements, etc.) that's half the battle in resolving those issues early on, thereby insuring a more peaceful and enduring marriage."

This kind of astrological assessment is much deeper than the surface kind of treatment astrology gets in magazine and newspaper columns.

As Shelley surmises: “Astrological insights can help you go into the marriage grounded. It will deepen your readiness and enhance, through understanding, the next part of your journey together."

For more information, contact Shelley Ackerman at www.KarmicRelief.com.

Many blessings,

Rev. Laurie Sue

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted January 3, 2008 5:56 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

My husband-to-be is a different faith than me. He is Jewish and I am Christian.

I am very used to holiday services, but he is uncomfortable coming to a church. Is there a neutral place to go in New York City? It would be nice to also find out about other traditions and to expand our horizons. -- Maureen

Dear Maureen –

Luckily, NYC is home to a number of wonderful ways to blend yours faiths and enjoy non-denominational and interfaith spirituality together. I will be sharing more on this in months to come.

For a lovely Sunday service, try the Community of Peace and Spirituality, headed by my colleagues Rev. Allan Lokos and Rev. Susanna Weiss, founders and spiritual directors. They are a husband and wife team of ordained interfaith ministers and they welcome everyone with open arms.

This is a unique, friendly and joyous Sunday service. It is also a chance to take time out to reflect and relax. They usually feature a powerful interfaith prayer and meditation, a speaker who shares insights on a different faith or spiritual practice each week, as well as an often humorous and always inspiring homily called “One Minister’s Thoughts.”

Each Sunday they create a beautifully balanced environment in which people of all faiths can gather and share a sacred experience. The service honors the world’s great religions and spiritual paths and in doing so makes everyone feel included. This is not a “church” per see, so your fiancé should be quite comfy there, yet it is structured like a worship service so you will feel at home as well.

The Sunday morning gatherings of celebration, meditation, and prayer are from 11:00 AM to 12 noon at the Community’s new home, 593 Columbus Avenue, corner of West 88th Street.

This service is perfect for people who consider themselves “spiritual” but not very religious. “The Community of Peace and Spirituality is a place for those who long for a deeper sense of the spiritual self and have not found it in traditional religious dogma and practices,” the ministers explain.

“Individually and collectively each person discovers the truth of their own path. An Interfaith perspective guides the Community where all are invited without regard for race, creed, color, age, gender, sexual orientation, economic, or social status.”

Prior to becoming ministers, both Rev. Allan and Rev. Susanna enjoyed successful performing careers on Broadway, in concert, and in dance, so they bring a wonderful touch of music and dance to their services.

For information, visit their website: http://www.interfaithhome.org/

Many blessings,

Rev. Laurie Sue

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted December 13, 2007 9:55 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

My husband-to-be and I are fighting all the time and often feel ill at ease about the details of our wedding. We used to get along so perfectly – before planning a wedding- and now we are at each other’s throats. Its been such a wonderful relationship and we consider ourselves ‘conscious’ people. How did things change and how can I bring things back into balance? - Karolyn, New York City

Dear Karolyn –

I believe it can and will be wonderful again! You might even find it can be better if you can weather the wedding storms in a balanced way. Consider this behavior a bump in the road and an opportunity to grow.

It is important to remember that wedding planning tends to take you out of ordinary life and into an extraordinary situation. In that situation, small things get blown to larger proportions and difficult situations seem ever-more trying. Along with the joy, wedding planning brings up the "oy" -- discomfort, fear, worries, imbalance, and a tad of insanity. Even very sweet people can feel their cool melt down when wedding stress comes their way.

Your relationship will improve when you do things that bring you individually, and as a couple, back into balance.

Share sacred time. Clearly, you need to reconnect on a soul level to remember why you are getting married and how much you mean to each other. Take time out from wedding planning regularly to take a walk, share a romantic dinner, share a spiritually enriching event, pray, meditate or make love.

Speak what is on your minds, and in your hearts. Your wedding ceremony will give you a chance to speak vows. Wedding stress gives you a chance to speak what is on your mind. Communicate. Don’t pick at each other, talk with one another. One bride shared that she and her husband used to sit down on the linoleum on the kitchen floor to hash out their differences and the did not get up until they figured things out.

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted November 20, 2007 5:36 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I am marrying someone from the same faith but a different culture and we are stumped about the kind of ceremony we want. What are our options? - Lilly R.

Dear Lilly -

In this new age of wedding ceremonies, anything goes!

Unless a couple chooses to be married in a religious ceremony that will follow a time honored religious protocol, they can be as creative as they like. The range of options is vast.

Finding your personal style is a matter of deciding the type of ceremony most suited to you, and getting a sense of which rituals, blessings, prayers, readings, and cultural or religious aspects are personally meaningful.

In my line of work as an interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant, it’s all about blending. First we assess the general type of ceremony that is right for each couple. Then we seek ways to blend in the traditions they do like, with creativity, romance and personal touches.

These personal touches can be anything from aspects of their religions or cultures, to honoring and involving family, to including a humorous story about how they met or a poignant poem that captures their feelings. Or all of the above!

As a reference point, I like to explain to couples that there are several types of weddings to choose from.

Traditional. These are typically faith-based and culled from the tradition the bride and groom were born into.

Non-denominational. A spiritual ceremony that includes reference to God, but does not adhere to any particular religious protocol.

Non-religious. Usually includes no reference to faith and typically does not mention God. (Some people call it a civil ceremony, but in fact a civil ceremony often mentions God).

Interfaith. This is a blending of two or more faiths, by including aspect of religion or religious rituals or readings that are symbolic of each faith.

Intercultural. This is a blending of cultures – such as a Filipino veil ceremony with a Chinese red string ritual and yet can certainly also blend religious aspects.

That said, from my perspective, you can do all of the above in one specially tailored ceremony. The biggest issue is deciding if you want to reference God at all – some couples clearly do, but would rather not have religion, or clearly don’t, and want to have something that is more about their love and relationship.

These are some of the questions I ask couples when consult with them about creating a personalized wedding.

“Where does religion fit in – or does it?” Would you like to include an aspect of the faiths you were born into without the dogma? Do you want to include mention of God – or would you prefer blessing upon your union without mention of Divine presence?

What kind of ceremony would be most suited to the two of you? Would you like something personal yet that includes aspects of your traditions? Would something romantic and offbeat be more your style?

What are your special needs? Think about the requirements you each may have. If you are of the same faith, is one of you more religious than the other? Since you hail from different cultures, how much do you want to honor your heritage and the traditions of your parents and family, etc?

What do you two truly want? Most importantly, be completely honest with one another (and then, your officiant). Make sure you are creating this ceremony for the two of you – not just to please others.

I give couples this mantra to adhere to as they seek to create a ceremony all their own:
“We will create our wedding ceremony our way.”

© 2007, Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of YOUR PERFECT WEDDING VOWS: How to Write, Find and Select the Words that Express What is in Your Heart and WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss. To help reduce wedding stress, get your personally autographed copy at www.WeddingGoddess.com.

Posted November 4, 2007 6:15 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I sometimes feel I get into wedding busy-work to stop thinking about the huge step I am taking. But I want to really connect to what is this rite of passage really about. How can I do that? -- Emily

Dear Emily,

First of all, remember that you are going through a profound transition in life.

It is not just about planning a wedding. This is about you going from being a single woman with a boyfriend to becoming a married woman with a husband. This is about growing up, and growing into, the kind of commitment you once only dreamed about. It is about taking two complete and whole individuals with their greatness and their flaws and merging into a partnership that is beyond any union you have ever had in your life. It’s about stepping up to the plate to say “I do,” and being ready to step up to the plate in marriage.

The details of planning -- and the sometimes blinding stress that comes along with planning -- are often a diversion from the feelings related to this commitment.

Continue reading "Ask The Wedding Goddess" »

Posted September 4, 2007 8:27 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please send your questions and wedding challenges to Editor@Wedlok.com.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

As my wedding approaches I worry about feeling too nervous or wobbly to make it down the aisle. Any ideas for calming my bridal nerves? – Don’t Want to be Nervous Bride

Hi Don't Want to Be Nervous -

Here are some simple ways to treat yourself to some natural, calming relief and remedies on your wedding day and on wedding day eve.

1. Go to sleep with a warm bath, awaken to a cleansing shower. Before you go to bed on “W Day” Eve, take a warm, relaxing bath using a scented candle or aromatherapy oil and wonderful music to help you relax and reflect on the journey you have been on. Tomorrow marks a new start in your life!

2. Center Yourself. Before you get dressed, take one last look at yourself in the mirror. Feel your feet firm on the ground – and feel that firmness beneath your feet -- and put your hands right under your belly. The Japanese call that part of the body the “Hara,” which means center. Then take a moment to feel your feet connected to the earth below, as if you are a tree. Know the leaves may sway in the wind but your trunk will stay upright and strong.

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess" »

Posted August 19, 2007 5:46 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Dear Wedding Goddess:

I am planning a small Las Vegas wedding and really don’t want a wedding shower but my friends insist on throwing one. I just do not want a hen party with shower games and punch. I don’t need the gifts. How does one get out of such a thing gracefully? -- Celeste, the Unbride

Hi Celeste –

Most brides complain that their friends are not doing enough for their showers. Wow, this is a twist! But I am here to say I was one of those brides to pleaded with friends and family not to throw a shower, and I survived their surprise. You can too. How about being open to the possibility of a shower that does fit your style, as well as warms your heart!

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess" »

Posted August 9, 2007 5:17 AM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

We are happy to introduce this new feature column at Wedlok.com. Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

I just got engaged. My sister let my parents pay for her wedding and she was a slave to my mother’s ideas. My fiancé and I are thinking of paying for our own wedding… of course it won’t be as fancy but at least it will be ours. But my mother has a strong personality and I am afraid she will try to control me and it, anyway. What can I do to win the wedding war? - Gina G.

Oh dear … sounds like you are ready to put on your battle gear. It saddens me to see how many brides feel that planning their wedding means going to war. It is one of the unfortunate side effects of today’s complex circumstances that surround weddings.

First off, you may want to stop looking at it as a war. It doesn’t have to be. Perhaps you can find a way to pay for the things you truly want to control and let mom have a field day on the aspects that are of less interest to you?

Picking up your own tab will spare you from overwhelming parental control, but you can’t duck it completely, especially with such a hands-on mom. Families have a way of insinuating themselves into the plan. I think you will find it a true growing experience if you put your focus on creating a situation that is as close to ideal as possible for you and your beloved, and also gives mom a chance to be supportive and helpful.

Continue reading "Ask the Wedding Goddess" »

Posted July 17, 2007 5:56 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This