CATEGORIZED AS: Books
Author Marti Ruti, Ph.D. is inviting women to rethink our notions of love. She thinks we have all been over-educated in the art of strategy to get a guy and that it is not helping women, men or relationships.
Her new book, The Case for Falling in Love: Why We Can’t Master the Madness of Love—and Why That’s the Best Part (Sourcebooks Casablanca, February 2011), is based on a popular course taught at Harvard. And it is billed as a must read for anyone who is tired of hearing that men and women come from different planets and that men and women live in separate emotional universes.
The Case for Falling in Love is aimed at women who are tired of hearing that they need to learn to read “the male psyche” in order to have successful relationships. Dr. Ruti rails against that gender-specific advice of many self-help guides and dismantles the tired notions that men and women are “wired” differently, and the concept that men therefore need to be “tricked” into love and marriage.
Through pop culture examples, Dr. Ruti shows that television shows—even, Gossip Girl—and movies offer us much better models for gender and romantic behavior than most self-help guides.
For anyone frustrated by the idea that they just need to learn the right strategies to find love, the author offers 12 anti-rules of love:
1. Stop trying so hard
2. Stop being so cautious
3. Stop analyzing your every move
4. Stop expecting your guy to act like a caveman
5. Stop apologizing for being strong
6. Stop being afraid to have needs and vulnerabilities
7. Stop running after guys that don’t want you
8. Stop looking for a guy without issues
9. Stop manipulating the guy you love
10. Stop regretting very false step you ever took
11. Stop thinking of loss as a pure loss
12. Stop trying so hard (she says this is the most important!)
The author reminds women that, "Even when love fails, it’s not because you are doing something “wrong” with men, but because love is, by definition, fickle and volatile."