By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Editor of Wedlok.com

Step Three: Make a Life Plan and Put It in Writing

Sound unromantic? You'll be glad to have something in writing if you find yourself flailing about during that first year, wondering "is this how married life is supposed to be?" Make it fun to commit to your lives together on paper.

• A couple can create a book of wish lists and dreams as well as a timeline for their future: In a year we'll have a house; in five years a child. But is can also contain the more emotional and spiritual aspects of life together: we'll go to church or synagogue together; we'll spend 10 minutes every day just gazing into one another's eyes, etc. It may not be completely perfect, and some goals might take longer than others to achieve, but in the process of planning together, you will get to know more about each other, and get a sense of those areas where you are likely to disagree or need personal space.

• Freedom for each partner to pursue their own dreams must also be part of your plan, so that you each have the flexibility to pursue personal career goals and interests. Include three timelines and make them flexible – make them "within" a certain time line, instead of "by" a certain amount of time.

• The headings can be: Within One Year, Within Five Years and Within Ten Years. Be realistic but dare to dream. For example, if you know you want a house but do not have the funding, don’t pressure yourselves or be unrealistic by placing it in the "within one year" timeline. Give yourselves five years. That way, you can still focus on it, and maybe even attain it in a year … but without undue pressure.

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