By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Editor of Wedlok.com

Step Six: Include Plans To Help Hold on During with the Challenges

As Ann Morrow Lindbergh put it, "When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment... and yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of the tide of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return."

To help deal with the terror that we all feel when it seems a mate is slipping away emotionally, come up with a "slip-proof" plan for marital ebbs.

• For example, formulate an agreement, such as: We will communicate to one another in a common love language; we'll each have a chance to air our feelings uninterrupted; we'll reach out for help from a special support person or an impartial party if the relationship is in trouble.

• While you do not want to focus all your energy on "what can go wrong," it is a good idea to acknowledge upfront that not every day will reflect the joy and union of your wedding day. What will you do on those days when you cannot see the divine light in one another? How will you find your way back home, to each other?

• No one knows your relationship, and your way of processing and healing relationship issues, like the two you. So set forth some guidelines or ground rules for healing your marital differences – before then happen – to the best of your ability. You will undoubtedly learn new things and improved ways to heal as your marriage goes on; add them in over time.

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