By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

So many interfaith and intercultural couples are marrying these days that blended marriages are now part of the norm. Still, any couple planning a wedding has questions about how to proceed. Here are four tips for interfaith and intercultural couples on religious protocol and choosing the kind of ceremony you want from my new book, Your Interfaith Wedding: A Guide to Blending Faiths, Cultures and Personal Values in One Beautiful Wedding Ceremony.

1. Be honest about where religion fits in. For example, if you family is not terribly religious and if you’ve not stepped into a synagogue since a childhood Chanukah party, would you want a Jewish ceremony in a temple with a rabbi and cantor? Or would you perhaps be most comfortable including a symbol of the religion, such as the breaking of the glass and a Hebrew prayer? Some couples “fake” religious beliefs to appease family. They worry so much about offending love ones. I suggest asking what do you two truly want? Most importantly, be completely honest with one another (and then, your officiant). Honor your heritage and your parents, but make sure you are creating this ceremony for the two of you – not just to please others.

2. If you are an interfaith couple, take a highly personalized approach. There are some particular challenges that interfaith couples face when it comes to the ceremony and the family. It depends of how religious the bride or groom is, and the situation within each family. As a wedding officiant I deal with it on a case by case basis. Overall, I believe in blending traditions, celebrating ancestry in a balanced way and including everyone there in a non denominational way. The ceremony should walk the middle line and have love as its common denominator. Then it can be seasoned with traditions and family participation. No one should be offended, and all should feel included.

3. Figure out, together, the general tone you would feel most comfortable with. Religious, non-denominational, civil, offbeat, humorous, solemn. Would something romantic and offbeat be more your style? On the spectrum between a formal and traditional ceremony and the wackiest exchange of vows you can think of, where are you? Somewhere in the middle, or somewhere on the edge, wanting to be different?

4. Select a Ceremony Style that will Make You Smile. With so many couples marrying outside of their faith, and/or physically marrying in a location other than a house of worship, an entire world of possibilities exists. Some of the best weddings are those that create a seamless blend two lives and two families while celebrating love as the common denominator. Seek to blend of the treasures of traditional with the contemporary. Be respectful of the traditions of your parents, your in-laws and the ancestors who came before them, but select a wedding ceremony style and tone that is truly suited to you and you beloved.