Ask the Wedding Goddess: Are Wedding Jitters Normal?

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway will answer your questions and help relieve wedding stress. Please e-mail your questions and wedding challenges to The Wedding Goddess.

Am I Ready to Get Married?

LSB Headshot - Wedlok.JPG

Dear Wedding Goddess,

I've been engaged to a wonderful man for about 5 months now, and we've been seeing each other for over a year. We are both divorced with kids of our own. His family doesn't really approve, but wont say much to him about us. The reason I think they don't approve is because of our age difference. He's 15 years older than me, but I would have never guessed it. We've been head over heals for each other ever since we first met. But now that things are starting to get serious, I'm wondering if I'm making the right decision for me and my kids. We met right after our divorces, which is pretty fast to jump into something. I keep thinking that I never really had the chance to mourn over what my kids and I lost, our family. My ex and I still talk, but most of the time we just fight and get upset at eachother for something the other is or isn't doing. I really do love the man I'm with now. I just don't know if I ever stopped loving my ex. Or if I ever will. The man I'm engaged to wants to elope. We're supposed to go to Vegas in 2 weeks! He's booking everything as we speak, and I'm getting a little scared. Is this normal for someone to feel this way? Or should I back off before I make a HUGE commitment that I might regret?
- Confused

Dear Confused:

Wedding jitters are completely normal, even for couples who have been together for many years. Fears are as much as part of the wedding journey as love.

But it sounds like you are dealing with a complex issue that has many layers to it.

There really is no easy answer. Let me just share some thoughts on some of the things you mentioned:

1. If your first marriage is over, then there is no going back. Even if you still have love for your ex, that does not mean you are still in love with him. I am glad you recognized your need to grieve. Make sure you do that, in your own way. It is crucial to healing the pain of the love that got away and the hurt that you and your kids have been through.

2. This is not to say it cannot be done within your new marriage; a good partner can often bring a healing elixir of love that helps you move past your old pain and into the new. Are you ready and willing to accept that kind of new love, and allow that love, into your life now? Will you have the space to express emotions, even the challenging ones, as you continue to heal?

3. You mentioned that you met each other after divorces. Some people just sort of replace their old loves and try to fill an emptiness. However, sometimes God is just that good, that you lose one love and a new one shows up sooner than you thought he would. Maybe you are just BLESSED!

You must ask yourself, has your heart rushed in before you are truly ready? Only you can know what is right for you and yours. Only you can know if your love is true, and strong, and if you are ready enough to marry again. Sit down and reflect, meditate and see if you can get a clear sense of the direction you are meant to take. Imagine yourself one year into the future... what do you see?

If you love the man you are with, and he is good to your children and you, and you can see yourself building a life together, then marriage would be a positive step.

Find out more in Wedding Goddess. Order your autographed copy.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, editor of www.Wedlok.com, is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of YOUR PERFECT WEDDING VOWS: How to Write, Find and Select the Words that Express What is in Your Heart and WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss. To help reduce wedding stress, get your personally autographed copy at www.WeddingGoddess.com.

Posted December 4, 2008 7:28 PM by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway | Permalink | Email This