Interfaith Minister Defends Liz Hurley's Right To Hindu Ceremony
By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Wowsa, readers, you folks sure got stirred up about my story on Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar's nuptials.
I am grateful the some of you enlightening me to a few points I may have missed (Did they really only make it around the sacred fire four times? Didn't hear that one). Most importantly, you all seemed to point out I was wrong in saying India is a poor country. My bad. I was making a joke about lavish weddings, but perhaps I also did not explain myself clearly.
What I meant to say is that while India is a country that is RICH in many ways -- spiritual and material wealth, and extraordinary history and powerful religious devotion, practices, rituals -- there are many people in India who are financially poor. I realize that India has become much more prosperous in recent times and that it has always been a spiritually rich country but am I wrong in stating that poverty still does exist?
I am awed by the religious devotion of the Hindu culture. I have great respect for how people of stay true to their spirituality: How the poorest of poor people never give up their worship ... that people conduct home puja daily ... that elderly devotees will feed and honor their deities with offerings if even they do not have enough to eat for themselves.
I was not dissing Hinduism in my post, Liz Hurley's Interfaith Marriage Contested by Traditionalists. I was just trying to explain that I live in a world where interfaith marriage, blended ceremonies and dual religious ceremonies are part of the norm. And narrow-minded people -- of any faith -- bug me. Especially when they try to mess with other people's weddings.
I embrace the spirit of Hinduism (along with, and in addition to, other faiths) personally and as an interfaith minister and officiant who marries and serves people of all faith backgrounds. And I am quite familiar with Hindu wedding customs and worship, puja and the many beautiful holy customs of Hinduism. I've even written a book on the Goddess Lakshmi, Hindu Goddess of Fortune, as well as writing about Hindu Goddesses in my book A Goddess Is a Girl's Best Friend and cours Discovering the Goddess.
I have always found that Hindu people live very closely to their Gods and religion, so I can understand it would be upsetting to think someone is directing an insult at a system of belief so many hold dear. I can understand that some folks got riled up over the Hurley and Hubby Hindu nuptials, which came on the heals of their Church of England ceremony. What I was angry about was that a Hindu ultra traditionalist(s) set about destroying the spiritual validity of the marriage.
Even though the Hurley drama is related to a specific instance, to my mind, the whole episode promoted the idea that interfaith marriage is unacceptable. I find that unfortunate.
The most painful wedding I ever experienced was a beautiful Hindu marriage ceremony of a dear friend, a Brahmin, who was marrying an adoring groom who was a caste below her. This was in America, folks. Her father and his entire family did everything they could to disrupt the ceremony - they sat off to the side, cried and wailed and pouted, avoided eye contact with the groom, and begrudgingly partook in the blessing rituals as if they could have phoned it in. They acted as if they were at a funeral, and it was, for it was the death of a once happy family and the death of his beautiful relationship with his beautiful daughter. It was horrible. He was willing to lose his loving daughter because he could not get past his belief against intermarrying. The groom was Hindu, for goodness sake, and making a religious home for the couple, but it wasn't good enough. Some of the customs were different. To his credit, the Hindu priest, a family friend, married them, as he would any couple, and honored their choice to wed. But he seemed a little stressed and rushed by the pouting family members.
There were guests at that wedding who shared the beliefs of the father of the bride. I cannot fault them for their beliefs and their upbringing, but I was furious at their willingness to ruin this woman's wedding day and start her married life off with rejection and shame.
Perhaps the Hurley and hubby story pushed my buttons in the same way.
It was suggested in the case of Liz and Arun that they were not entitled to partake in ceremonies based in one another's faiths. It was suggested Arun had taken Liz's faith. It was suggested Liz was not willing to take Arun's. It was suggested that the Hindu ceremony was illegal.
I can understand claiming that the Hindu ceremony may not be regarded as a true Hindu sacrament/samskara, in the same way the Catholic Church does not regard a civil ceremony for Catholics as part of the Church's seven sacraments. But to negate their spiritual right to a ceremony of their choice is ridiculous. The spirit in which a couple expresses their love simply cannot be dictated by religion. That is the point I was trying to make.
I do understand that many religions and many clergy people frown upon intermarriage. And that in many cases a couple is FORCED to agree to take on one faith or the other in order to marry. I personally do not consider any faith is better than another, I just find it upsetting to think that people in love find so many barriers to mixing their spiritual beliefs.
When everything is said and done, we may find out Liz Hurley thought the Hindu ceremony was a big whoop and was just in it for the jewlery and the Sari, or that Arun thought the Church of England Ceremony was a big snore. They may not even be thinking as deeply about these things as we who are writing about them, and then again, perhaps they have given it much careful and mindful thought.
Regardless, I defend a couple's right to an interfaith marriage and to the ceremony they choose.
My wedding ministry is devoted to bringing people of different faiths together without the restrictions and dogma. I simply do not believe that religious protocol can rule all choices of the heart and soul. I am glad this story helped shine a light on some of the issues interfaith couple's face.
© 2007, Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway
Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005) and the new online course, Discover the Goddess. Visit Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway at www.WeddingGoddessWisdom.com.
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