Happy New Year! Let's Celebrate Love and Marriage!
By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Wow... my phones are ringing off the hook with calls from brides who got engaged over the holidays, and those who slacked off on wedding planning during the holiday season. Everyone is back on track for planning The Big Day. Congratulations!
What a relief. Feels like "Divorce Season" is behind us, now that Britney Spears, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston are settling into single life. With some of those celebrity break-ups fading from the front page of the news, we mortals can celebrate marriage again. Hooray. Love is still alive.
Let's figure out how to KEEP IT THAT WAY, celebs and we regular folk, alike.
In honor of the New Year, want to remind brides-to-be and their grooms to always honor the love you have and keep the lines of communication open.
So if you get a little crazed dealing with wedding details ... or if you find you are not always seeing eye to eye ...or if you ever feel your relationship needs a tune up ... think back to the early days of love, when all you could think about was one another. And think back to the moment when you became engaged -- and how you were both kind of floating on air.
Here’s a little exercise for clearing the air if you ever find yourself stuck in a rut or being unloving with each other, or if you just need to take some sacred time to share what’s on your mind.
• Designate a special “Us Time.” Make sure you have an appropriate setting and privacy and take a few moments to sit together quietly, decompressing from every day stress.
• Share a few moments of silent meditation. Just hold hands, look deeply into each others eyes and breathe in unison.
• Once you feel calm and connected, take turns sharing what is on your minds. For example, you speak for 15 to 30 minutes then he speaks for 15 to 30 minutes.
• If you are feeling unhappy about something, be careful not to blame or dump on your partner. Instead of saying, “I am so upset because you did this … use statements that allow you to take responsibility. For example, “It would really support me if you would … “
• Tell each other what your needs are so that you do not have to argue or try to act out your upsets. Make sure each of you gets a chance to share and that the other listens in silence so that you can both clear whatever is weighing on you.
• Look each other in the eyes. Although each of you must bear witness when the other talks, don’t hesitate to touch one another or look at one another tenderly.
• Once you’ve both had a chance to say all that’s on your mind, seal it with a hug and a kiss. And a vow to keep the channels of communication open.
If you find yourself coming up against an issue – over and over -- that neither of you seems to be able to come to truce about, consider counseling. Even a session or two with a trained therapist can be helpful
© 2006, Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway
Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is one of New York's leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiants. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005). Visit Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway at www.WeddingGoddessWisdom.com.
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