Personalized vows are meant to provide a sacred moment in which you can express your truest feeling for each other. They can be part of even the wackiest wedding. You may be driving in a pink Cadillac or in the roller coaster atop the Stratosphere … no matter, the vows can still be real! Speak with your officiant (or the person who arranges your ceremony) in advance, whenever possible, about where vows fit into your ceremony.

Ways to say I love you: There are many ways to weave vows into your ceremony. For example, your vows can be repeat-after-the-officiant style or they can be read to one another. You can utter them as part of your I dos, or speak them when you exchange rings. You can each decide on different vow, or share the same vows. You can even speak the same vow to one another simultaneously; or you can read from one long vow or statement, with bride and groom alternating lines. If you don’t want to say much, you can ask to include the promises you would like to make in a longer question of intent (which your officiant will ask you), to which you only have to answer “I do.” It’s best not to try to memorize your vows. On your wedding day, the mind goes into Wedding La-La Land … it is too much to ask of yourself.

Creative ways to express your commitment: You can find your vows in poetry, popular songs or even greeting cards. You can also source ideas from the faiths or cultures you were born into. For example, from the Jewish tradition comes the soulful line from Song of Solomon, “I am my beloveds, and my beloved it mine” and the concept of soul mates can be found in the Zohar or the Bible. Some couples adapt vows from the 7 Steps (known as Saptapadi) in the Hindu faith, such as “We will share each other’s joys and sorrows with courage and strength.” You can find lovely material from any spiritual tradition and adapt it into your vows.

Write your own vows. If you do want to write your own vows, take a moment to reconnect to the energy and magic that made you want to marry this person, and let the feelings flow. Jot down some notes:
1. What do you love about this man/woman?
2. What feeling pour over you when you think of his/her love for you?
3. What are your hopes and dreams for your married life?
4. What promises would you like to make?

Next, write a first draft. Begin by sharing why you love him/her (including cute and funny reasons) and letting him/her know how he/she makes you feel. Next, share things you look forward to experiencing together. Sprinkle in promises you would like to make. Summarize by sharing how grateful you are for his/her love and the opportunity to share your lives. Then go through the first draft; edit or add in new thoughts. Don’t be afraid to use humor — if that’s your style. (“I promise never to change the channel when the Yankee’s are on,” for example).

Speak from the heart: No matter what kind of wedding you opt for, or what kind of vows you choose, let your sentiments come from the heart. They do not have to be long. Approach them with a K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Sweetheart) and make them real. Those are the BEST wedding vows.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is an interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a bridal stress expert. She is author of WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005). Visit Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway at WeddingGoddess.com.