We really liked this recently love survey from Emeritus Senior Living, a national provider of assisted living services for seniors. They went to the source of wisdom for insights into love an marriage and the results are quite touching.

They polled their residents at communities across the country for a “Lifetime of Love” survey, asking residents things like how long they had been married, the most memorable gifts they had ever received and what they believed to be the most important ingredients for lasting love. According to the survey:

* The majority of residents agreed that the key to a successful marriage was the determination to make it last from day one, citing communication (43%), trust (19%) and friendship (19%) as the most important factors in a long and loving relationship.

*The most memorable gifts were shared experiences, including one resident who remembered a trip across 47 states from which they returned best friends. Other gifts that participants noted as unique include engagement rings and children.

*For those residents who dated their significant other during war time, love letters and photos were considered the best gifts received while they were separated. Good news, such as marriage proposals, word that the war was over, and notice of their loved one coming home, were also top responses to best war time gifts.

“The seniors in our lives have so many great love stories and words of wisdom to share with the next generation so we wanted to learn what they view as the most important keys to a successful relationship,” commented Jayne Sallerson, EVP, Sales & Marketing for Emeritus Senior Living. “Nearly half of our residents have been married for over 50 years and with Valentine’s Day around the corner our seniors remind us that determination and a pledge to give it your all are the most important components to lasting love.”

Other love advice that seniors offered to young couples include:

· Instead of saying let’s give it a try, give it your all
· Laugh together and dance together
· Leave the room before you lose your temper
· Tell each other you love one another often
· Settle your differences before you get married. After you are married it’s not 50/50 in a relationship it’s 100/100 in support of one another.
· There will always be ups and downs. Keep working at it. Tomorrow is always a different day.

Additional notable survey findings included:

· The overwhelming majority (93%)of respondents said they consider daily affection important
· The majority of respondents (76%) said “I love you” to their spouse everyday
· The biggest challenges respondents faced in their relationship were raising children (31%) and finances (25%)
· 30% of respondents said they have been away from their spouse for more than six months at one time.

In conjunction with the release of the survey results, Emeritus is also inviting friends to log on to the company’s Facebook page through February 28th to share the best love advice passed down to them by a parent or grandparent.

Posted February 20, 2011 2:04 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Although some women truly enjoy the obligatory roses and heart-shaped box of chocolates, and perhaps the dinner out, many would prefer their men to pay attention to little details every day.

They don't expect an Olympic performance, but NewYork Times bestselling author renowned performance expert, Tom Connellan, says that it is possible.

In his new book, The 1% Solution for Work and Life, he explains why the exact same skills and actions that create Olympic gold medal winners are what create exceptional relationships, the most memorable experiences, and the ecstasy that can only be found in love.

Achieving happiness in a personal relationship means you have to learn to treat the people you love better every single day – not just once a year.

“The real key,” he says, “is improving what you do as a caring partner each and every day.”

He says it's not hard for people to identify ways they can make small improvements in their relationships with the people they love. The hard part is simply remembering and staying devoted to doing the things that matter.

Here are some of Connellan's relationship improvement ideas.

1. Ask your partner. If you want to really hit the mark, ask. Simply say, “What can I do today to help you, at least once a day.

2. Pick one thing that your partner wants you to change and stick with that change for 30 days. It might be something as simple as asking her how her day went, appreciating things she does, acknowledging her for who she is, listening more, putting the toilet seat down, considering the possibility that maybe she also knows how to use the remote, or to stop picking your nose – at least when she’s in the room.

3. Take the first step right away. Whatever it is, start it immediately. Don’t forget. There’s no way, for example, you can suddenly become organized, clean and tidy overnight. But you can commit to cleaning up one tiny little area of the house every day. In 30 days you can see the difference and in 90 days you’ve cleaned up the whole house for the first time in years.

4. Apologize more often. This is tough. Say the following words at least once a day “I’m sorry. You are right. I was wrong.” Then when it’s time to say them to her, you’ll be ready.

5. Change just a little every day. Stop when you find yourself doing some negative behavior, expressing too much intense emotion, poor facial expression, or expressing your opinion in a loud or angry voice. Say out loud, “Darn, I did not mean to take out my frustration on you. I’m working hard too change that but I’m not there yet but I’ll get there. That’s my promise to you”

6. Show more consideration. Use the magic words “How can I help you?”. If you’re asked to do something, smile, say “Yes dear” or “I’m on it”, and then do it.

7. Be more helpful today than you were yesterday. From now on, if you see something that needs doing, jump on it and say out loud, “It’s okay. I got it.”

8. Accept help and advice when it’s offered. Practice saying, “OK, let’s stop and ask for direction on how to get where we are going.”

9. Get out of the way and give her space. Say, “Oh OK, will it help if I leave you alone right now?”

10. Be more open and listen more carefully. Even ask for an opinion. Say, “Will you look at this please? I’m interested in what you have to say.” Then keep your mouth shut for at least ten minutes.

11. Use More Compliments. Say “You are wonderful. You are really good at this and I don’t know what I would do without you.” Then when she asks “What’s up?”, simply say, “I know I haven’t been as good at this as I should be in the past and I’m just working to get better at it because you’re important to me and I love you.

12. Express more appreciation for who she is. Say out loud, “Thank you. Really! You are amazing. You are understanding, kind, and compassionate.”

13. Acknowledge your shortcomings openly and with good humor. Say, “You are the primary source of my inspiration. I am the primary source of your perspiration.”

14. Entice more often. Say, “I’ve planned a wild night, a fantastic meal, I’ve got a bottle of wine, superb dessert, music, and oh yeah, I hope you have a good time, too.”

Posted February 10, 2011 9:41 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Tips from successful marriages for how to create long-term happiness

Creating and maintaining a loving relationship can be challenging, but the right communication can lead to successful long-term relationships. Judy Pearson, Ph.D., from North Dakota State University, identifies several characteristics for successful, long-term relationships through interviews of couples married for more than 40 years, to find out what made their marriages work.

Pearson found the couples continually mentioned communication, in addition to other characteristics, as an important aspect of their successful relationships. Each relationship is unique and there is no secret formula for long-term relational success; however, the following characteristics can be distinguished in successful long-term relationships.

· Having realistic expectations about their partners and the relationship. Satisfied couples had reasonable expectations about their lives and relationships. If couples enter into a committed relationship believing that their partner will fulfill their every need, or the relationship will be perfect in every way, their relationship is doomed. The couples Pearson interviewed expected and experienced difficulties, but they supported each other through tough times.

· Shared identity. Many couples stated the need for a shared identity. Frequently, this was accomplished through sharing information with a partner that would not otherwise be available to them. Because compatible couples frequently develop their own special way of communicating with each other, they frequently do not need to disclose their emotions to each other.

· Accepting each other unconditionally. The partners in successful long-term relationships loved, respected, empathized with each other without reservation. Although it was expressed in different ways, each couple also frequently communicated their acceptance of each other.

· Using positive distortion. Choosing to positively interpret experiences and each other is another trait of successful marriages. All long-term relationships experience conflict, but members of contented couples did not interpret their disagreements and arguments as destructive conflict, but rather, took the inevitable disagreements in stride, and were confident in their ability to resolve them successfully.

· Persistence. In their interviews, the couples stated that they were committed to relational success, no matter what. “Many of [the couples] spoke of their absolute determination to stay together, their positive can-do attitude, and their unswerving belief in long-term relational success,” says Pearson. Successful couples consistently put the success of their relationship ahead of any other consideration in their lives.

“What distinguished happy couples from unhappy ones were their realistic expectations for each other and their relationship, their unconditional love and acceptance of each other, and their ability to communicate in a positive, empathic and supportive way as they successfully negotiated the storms and bright days of their marriages and their lives,” says Pearson.

Access the article and read about more of the characteristics.

Judy Pearson, Ph.D., is the Associate Dean in the College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences, Director of the Doctoral Program, and Professor of Communication at North Dakota State University.

Posted February 2, 2011 12:38 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

It is nice to know that true love can conquer all. America had a glimpse of what committed love looks like last night when it was introduced to the disabled fiancee of one of the contestants.

Some critics says that the TV show used tragedy to raise ratings but millions of romantics at heart choose to cheer and be inspired.

Singer Chris Medina left not a dry eye in the house when he auditioned for American Idol. After singing, judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson prompted him to share about his love life. He told the heartbreaking tale of almost losing his beloved, Juliana Ramos, in a terrible car accident two months before their wedding.

She survived with servere traumatic brain injury and Medina hopes to get onto American Idol, in part, to give her something to be happy about again, he said. He and the mother of his bride-to-be are her full time caregivers.

He said he was two months a way from pledging to love her through "thick and thin, sickness and health." And added, "What kind of man would I be if I left her when she needed me most."

The video is pretty heart-wrenching. Check out Steven Tyler. He sounded pretty authentically open-hearted in his statements to Juliana.

"I just heard your fiance sing, and he's so good. You know, because he sings to you all the time. I could tell," he said, then whispered, "That's why he sings so good, because he sings to you."

Posted January 27, 2011 6:12 PM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Guest Blog by Marci Shimoff

I want to give you a taste of what I call Love for No Reason. Over the past few weeks, I've been on more than 50 radio interviews, and each time I'm asked what I mean by that phrase.

Maybe you're wondering the same thing.

Well, this is one of those times when an explanation can only take you so far. To really understand requires experience. For example, how do really know chocolate ice cream? You have to taste it.

Here's a simple process to give you a taste of the difference between Love for Good Reason and Love for No Reason.

This exercise only takes a few minutes, so sit comfortably, relax, and follow these steps:

1. Close your eyes and think of someone or something you love. It can be a person, a pet, a place, or an experience.

2. What do you love about him, her or it? Appreciate all the wonderful qualities you love about that person or thing. Let yourself savor the object of your love.

3. Ask yourself an unusual question, one that most people never consider: Where does this love come from? What's causing me to have this wonderful experience? The vast majority of people will answer that the love they feel is directly caused by the object of love they're thinking about. This is the experience of Love for Good Reason.

4. Now try something different. Switch your focus from the beloved to the experience of love itself. Put your attention on your heart and feel your appreciation independent of your thoughts about the object of your love. Instead of thinking of the qualities of the person or thing, let yourself really feel the love you have inside for whatever it is that you chose.

5. Be with that inner experience of love. You may feel warmth in the center of your chest and/or find yourself smiling.

The difference between these two experiences of love is that the second one is generated from your heart and doesn't depend on the object of your love. This is Love for No Reason.

We've been conditioned to think that "it takes two to tango," that we love something, we don't just love. We consider love as something that happens between two people.

Embracing the idea of love as an independent state and learning how to experience it on a continuing basis is the key to living a life of unconditional love.

When you fill your own love tank, instead of looking for love outside yourself, you bring that love to everything in your life. Which I guarantee is even better than chocolate ice cream!

Reprinted with permission.

Continue reading "What it Means to Love For No Reason" »

Posted January 27, 2011 11:12 AM by Editor | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email This

Holiday season is typically engagement season. Many grooms pop the question with a shinny Christmas ring. But what if you are single and still would like to have a special ceremony? Try this self love ceremony.

When I teach relationship readiness seminars, I have people look into a mirror into their own eyes and recite vows to themselves. In essence, they marry themselves, first. The following is an abbreviated sample ceremony, just to get you started.

1. Light a candle and bring light into the room.

2. Say a brief prayer: Divine Spirit of all there is, please fill this place with your sacred presence. Support me in my efforts to express my love for self. Help me see my own divinity. Amen.

3. Sit down and meditate on the qualities you most honor in yourself.

4. Write down three vows that are personally meaningful to you: " I adore you … I love your strength and wisdom … I will promise to love and honor you … etc."

5. When you feel ready, look into the mirror and connect with your own eyes and read the vows to yourself. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you can transcend that. Your self-love vows will send a powerful message to your subconscious mind.

6. Celebrate your union with self with a sip of something sweet.

7. Play celebratory music.

8. Dance … and feel the love.

Need a shorter version? Every time you pass a mirror, smile and look deeply into your own eyes.

Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a leading interfaith and non-denominational wedding officiant. She creates unique ceremonies for couples of all backgrounds and faiths, and is also widely recognized as a relationship coach, bridal stress expert and columnist. She is author of YOUR INTERFAITH WEDDING: A Guide to Blending Faiths, Cultures and Personal Values into One Beautiful Ceremony, and WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide to Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss.